One Last Secret by Adele Parks

Author:Adele Parks [Parks, Adele]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2022-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

26

Dora

Eleven years ago

The first contraction rips through my body, waking me from an unsettled, dream-fuelled sleep. The pain is filthy. I think I am going to die, and for a fraction of a moment, I think maybe that would be easier. My life is a shit show. Death would at least mean it was all over. But not really. Not really. Really, I always want to fight on.

I don’t imagine anyone in the northern hemisphere plans to give birth to a child in January. It is such a relentlessly grey and bleak month, not the welcome into the world a child deserves. But snow is something different altogether. It wipes away the dank blur and gifts magic. I’ve never seen it snow in London, but as the pain of the contractions pushes me to my feet, I glance out of the window and see that snow is falling. As thick as glue.

I think it is a sign. A good one.

Whilst I boil the kettle to make a cup of tea, I look out of the window and watch the flakes fluttering. I feel excited by the muffled hush that is symptomatic of heavy snow. She is three days overdue, so the contractions aren’t a surprise, and yet they are still a shock. I panic, suddenly horrified at the thought of the hours ahead of me. I wish my mum was with me. Fleetingly I toy with calling her, but it is a ridiculous idea. Even if she is able to get over the news of my pregnancy and then decides to be supportive, by the time she flies here, the labour will most likely be done. Better that I wait and tell her in a more considered way. Although what that might be, I don’t know. I’ve been looking for the right words for nine months.

I time the contractions and then call the hospital to ask what I should do. They tell me the contractions are still too far apart; they warn me that there is no point in arriving too early, that there won’t be a bed. I get the feeling I’ll be in the way. I hate being in the way, so I decide to stay put for as long as I can. However, once the contractions gather force – by which I mean I think I’ll vomit with the pain – I don’t want to be alone in my bedsit. Two reasons. First, it is too poky; I don’t want her born into a room that, at best, is only ever an apology for a life. Second, I am terrified of being alone, aware that births can be tricky, a lot can go wrong.

I take the bus to the hospital because I know it will lumber slowly through the London streets, take its time, but I will have people around me if I need them. I sit up top, at the front. I watch the snow dance in the headlights of the cars and buses coming towards me.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.